MARKING THE BOAT:       

Two friends went fishing in a hired boat and rowed out to a place where they caught many fish. One said to the other, 'Mark this place so we can come back again. They rowed back to the shore and the first one said to the other. 'Did you rmember to mark the place where we caught the fish?' and the other replied: "Yes." His friend thought for a moment and asked: "How did you mark the place?" and the other said: "I chalked a cross on the boat." "That was foolish of you" declared his friend, "We may not get the same boat next time."

THE JUDGEMENT:       

A variation on St. Peter at the gate - this is Kamma
A series of 'applicants' come and are assessed.

Intro: This is where they all come eventually. This is where everybodies kamma is assessed and they either go up there, or ...... down there. (indicates)

Kamma: Here comes one now. So, you're dead are you?

Seems that way.

So, what did you get up to during your life on earth?

I robbed banks and monastery donation boxes.

Oh dear, that doesn't sound so good. (looks in the big book, ummms wisely) Well there doesn't seem much doubt here. Sorry, but it's down there for you. [person slumps shoulders and shuffles off]

[other applicants: drunkard, gambler, etc ]

[final applicant comes on]

Kamma: Well, it has been a busy day today. And look, here comes yet another one. So, you're dead are you?

Seems that way.

So, what did you get up to during your life on earth?

I was the abbot of a Buddhist monastery. I had to look after all the novices and make sure the lay people were happy and see that all the buildings were maintained and give public talks.

[looks in book briefly - smiles and puts arm around shoulder of applicant] Your the first today! Come on in. You've had your hell - on earth.

THE HEREAFTER:       

Two old folk shuffle out

You know, as I get older - -

That's all the time.

Not all the time?

Yes. I can stand here now and watch you getting old.

You poor thing. It must be quite a sight?

Like an ice-cream melting - in slow motion.

[pause] You know - as I get older -

You said that already.

Did I? I forgot.

It was when you were younger.

You know - as I get older - I think a lot about the here after.

How's that then?

Well, when I get some place - I wonder what the heck I'm here after.

[puzzled] What are we here after?

You know - as I get older - I seem to forget.

Let's go and ask a Buddhist monk.

THE FIVE PRECEPTS:       

A platform or staging is needed high enough so that puppeteers can pull the strings tied to the wrists, ankles and top of head (or shirt collar) of a puppet person. Each string represents an attachment to the thing that each precept puts restraint on and can have a large label tied to it.
Hedge clippers - drum (on string cut?) - answerphone Fx - walking stick

A: I'm a man / woman of the world. I've got all this money [shows $] Hey! I must be really happy. And I'm famous, I'm actually somebody really important. I've got my problems - as you can see (indicates strings) but then who hasn't. Some days it's good and some days it's bad. (some string manipulation throughout)

[others enter]
Look at that person over there.

Are they ever in a fix.

Really strung up.

[going over to 'A']
Hello, how are you?

I'm a man / woman of the world. I've got all this money and I'm famous.

But are you happy?

I suppose I should be.

But are you?

Well, now you mention it -

You look pretty hung up to me.

Oh those. Everybodies pleasure comes with strings attached.

Ours doesn't.

Yes, but I bet that must be really boring?

It's not you know.

What are these anyway [goes to read string label]
Indulgence in harming.

[other reads]
Indulgence in stealing.

Indulgence in sensuality.

Indulgence in lying.

Indulgence in intoxicants.

Wow! you're breaking all five precepts.

Just a bit here and there - you know how it is.

No wonder you're not happy.

I'd stop if I knew how.

You just cut the habits.

How?

Are you sure you really want to?

Sure.

[with clippers - 'A' reacts - reads label]
Indulgence in harming.

Hey, no problem, I can get by without that one.

[cuts string - arm flops down - clippers to other]
Indulgence in stealing. [goes to cut]

Hey, hold on a minute here. What about short cutting my income tax?

Sorry but that's not right. You have to give it all up.

OK OK then I'll do it. [cut - other arm drops - legs still twitching]

[other reads leg label - it is twitching nervously]
Indulgence in lying. [cuts - body lurches]

[other leg]
Indulgence in intoxicants.

['A' backs off]
Whoa up now. Let's not rush this one. I mean, just a little social drink now and then and - marijuana has several medicinal properties I'm told.

Who are you trying to kid? [cuts leg - 'A' is now hanging from the top]

Just one more left [reads]
Indulgence in sensuality.

[panic in voice]
No, not sensuality. Moderation is so tedious. Pigging out on pizzas is - well, not moderate. You know what I mean?

I do, but it has to go. [cuts - body flopping all over semi-supported by others]

A: [whining] Oh no! What can I do now? I'm lost, cut loose from all I knew. Adrift in life. God! Where are you when I need you? Now's your chance to win me over. God? [answerphone message: "Sorry, but God's busy right now, but if you'd like to leave a message do so after the tone."]
You lot talked me into this. What am I supposed to do now?

Two alternatives:
the short - Come on then, come with us, we're going to the monastery, they'll sort you out.
or, the long - others can give some meditation instruction and talk about contentment in the moment and independent happiness (we just ad libbed - and called for a few suggestions from the audience)