Hands Up - All thos in favour of offering Buddhist principles to children

Hands Up
by Venerable Kusalo

Imagine yourself standing in front of a class, or any group of children for that matter, and asking – ‘hands up all those who are going to grow up to be a Buddhist?’ Chances are you will be met with a sea of blank, quizzical looks. Partly due to the inability of young people to have a sense of their own future – in any sphere – but largely, through a lack of comprehension of what the term ‘Buddhist’ might entail. Fire engine drivers still probably have some credibility but in this, the information age, the possibility-list will extend from nuclear scientist to dromedary farmer and any number of exotic options in between – but a Buddhist? Considering that religion isn’t generally seen as particularly media-worthy and thoughts of ‘growing up’ are so often around career and making money, the regular exposure that children have is minimal. Quite likely though there will be some perceptions of religion; but how many of them will be Buddhist? .

The Kamakura Buddha (displayed as a ‘world icon’ on items of merchandising)? the Dalai Lama? perhaps saffron robed monks? perhaps some confused association with the Hare Krishnas? but not a great deal more than this When, as a Buddhist monk, I contemplate offering Buddhism to the next generation – thinking perhaps of those now 7 to 12 years old – there are two groups that come to mind. Those having direct, active association with a Buddhist tradition – through their parents, other relations or, less directly, contact with family of a friend, or neighbours – and, the rest. As a percentage of total population I suspect the first group is relatively insignificant. Yet again, within this group try asking the children: ‘Hands up those who are going to be a Buddhist?’ No doubt a clearer reaction will be received but how clear are they? Even closer to ‘home’, try asking the parents of this group: ‘Hands up those who are Buddhist?’.

As a generalisation, our modern, Western, egalitarian, society is predominantly middle-class, and gives considerable thought to the individual – my rights, my spiritual path, my inner child, my space, etc. Loyalty to a group identity is too often seen as a sublimation of one’s freedom, one’s individuality or identity. Certainly, I remember very clearly my own difficulties and conflicts around this issue – sitting on the verandah in West Australia fifteen years ago, finally allowing the words ‘I’m a Buddhist (damn it all)’ to struggle out; and there was a subliminally onerous sense of duty and responsibility that seemed to come with the decision. One of the things that surprised me, aside from the uncertainty around the me-and-my issue, was the fear arising from old Christian conditioning – a renunciation of ‘The Lord’ was a ticket to damnation. Not enough that I should be opening myself to sectarian brainwashing but an eternity in hell? Looking back there seems to have been no noticeable increase in the temperature, quite the opposite in fact. The point I am trying to make is that of commitment. Let’s have less of this wishy-washy "I need liberal mind-space" or "I’m a free thinker, labels are so limiting", etc.

If children are to be able, in later years, to feel comfortable with the possibility of being a Buddhist, they must be given a clear picture now, of what that possibility entails. Certainly the new religious education syllabus will be of great help in this but their greatest, or clearest understanding, will come from those who are most clear. This doesn’t necessarily mean having supreme wisdom, or all the ‘answers’, but a clear, concise commitment to your chosen path is of inestimable worth. The specific facts – ‘The Four Noble Truths’, the ‘Three Refuges’, etc. – have obvious value but it is the ‘spirit’, the ‘feel’, the ‘flavour’ of children’s memories that have even more value. This works along similar lines on the domestic scene – mum and dad may fight and have their difficulties but a strong, common commitment to the concept of family will be felt by the children. This will allow the vagaries of marital life without creating doubt or feelings of insecurity in them, memories will be of a ‘together’, ‘stable’ (if emotional) family. In relation to offering Buddhism to the next generation the role of parents is of paramount importance. The greater and clearer their commitment then the greater will be the chances of their children inclining to Buddhism.

Ordaining as a monk can be seen as an obvious commitment; both to spirituality, as a path to enlightenment, and to a religious form, as a lifestyle. Ideally, in terms of spirituality, what is needed from humans in the world today is not so much more Buddhists, more vegetarians, more ecologists, but less selfishness. This is something not so easily attained. The next best thing to this spiritual ideal is a tradition and, if having seen the value in making a commitment, the specific tradition you choose should have humility, selflessness, as its focal point. The second aspect, that of lifestyle, has advantages in that a religious form provides historically tested guidelines, although there should be no assumption that any conventional form will be perfect.

What is most important is that one’s commitment be based on wise reflection, include a tolerance of the child’s right to question, and then, be uncompromisingly clear and consistent. When contemplating the next generation my wish is not how to convert anyone to Buddhism but more how to extol the virtues of virtue; of determination, honesty (both internally and externally), harmlessness, fidelity and sobriety. I willingly put forth much effort toward this; both through seeing the value of being a good role model and through seeing the positive results in my own life. The above list – for those of you who have made some commitment to Buddhism – will, or should, surely be recognisable as the five precepts. As an offering to the world – and tomorrow’s world is peopled by today’s children – these tenets are worthy of your commitment.

Morality has a relatively direct and tangible quality, but the transcendent aspects of Buddhism are not so easily communicated. The inherent difficulty being that the teachings overtly discourage any personifications or projections of the Truth. It’s ineffable nature is problem enough with conceptually educated adults but trying to explain ultimate reality to children is a challenge I have yet to master. What I do make use of is the assumption that children’s intuitive sense is not as ‘polluted’ as those of their parents and that they are more open and receptive to the mystery of life. I try to invoke the spacious don’t know mind; the curtailment of thought when confronted with the existential paradox – the Zen koan, the endless Mobius strip, the Escher drawing. This is one of the essential qualities required on the spiritual path – an active, open-mindedness; an attitude of unprejudiced investigation; questions without desire for answers.

In Pali this is known as sati-sampajañña – mindfulness and clarity of consciousness – a full knowing of one’s reality without biased judgment. If children can develop a sense of this ‘free’ mind then their future choices will be less subject to prejudice and based more on wisdom.As well as involving the equation of ‘liberty v’s discipline’, the balancing act of educating children also should involve the ‘conventional v’s absolute’ conundrum. The creation of the conceptual as real and immutable ‘substances’ – e.g. time, money and, in a specific non-Buddhist context, the self – is something that education and society generally supports. Buddhism highlights the relationship between the conventional and the absolute as a means of stripping both these concepts clean – without rendering them meaningless. To keep continually bringing children to the mystery of our existence should be a regular part of our offering.

On a perhaps more mundane and practical level there are many things we can do to enhance the quality of our offering to the next generation. In the home, the presence of a shrine – however small – is of great value. If it is an active, alive part of the house it can be a constant source for discussion and questions – what is Buddha? why has a statue got long ears? why do we bow to it? why bow three times? why do we put flowers on the shrine? what are the candles for? Hands up those who know the answers to all these questions?

Wether you have a shrine or not you can make some time in the household schedule for family meditation; although this time is definitely enhanced with some ritual around the shrine. When? I hear you say. If it is a priority, a gap will appear. Even if it is only five minutes a day, every second day, providing the time is unhurriedly allowed, the cumulative result will be positive. Even if you aren’t able to get all the family together if the children see you meditating – with a calm serene face? – you may well find them joining you occasionally. Even if they don’t it will exist as a familiar, approved possibility later in their life.

These days, with more and more centres opening, you could consider the possibility of inviting ordained sangha or wise elders or good spiritual friends to your home – for a meal, a meditation time, a baby blessing, a pet cat burial – the possibilities are endless. Hands up those who regularly visit a Buddhist centre? I don’t know about other centres but Amaravati has a regular Sunday class, a monthly children’s paper, an annual magazine, four residential opportunities for families, a permanent shrine room for children and a rope swing and a few swingers. If your nearest centre doesn’t have a programme for children then encourage them to create one; this may of course require you having to put some time towards supporting this. I am happy to share my experience in this area; to make suggestions and offer the use of any resource material we have available here. You will find that there are quite likely other parents willing to share any responsibilities with you but, at some point, it requires someone to take the initiative.

In summary, I suggest two areas of consideration for parents and those in a position to influence children — wise contemplation, followed by, or in conjunction with, a clear commitment to the ideas of Buddhism; and, an active investigation of and participation in the actual expressions of Buddhism.

Finally, when the following questions are asked – are you a Buddhist? do you take the three refuges? do you keep the five precepts? do you investigate Dhamma? do you practice meditation? do you visit a Buddha centre regularly? let’s see some hands up.

Please.